A Simple Life

I got employed (I don't seem too excited about it though.). Well, I was a couple of weeks ago. It was the height of all the positive emotions I got from signing the first page of my employment contract. I read it and understood every word it said by heart. I fixed my eyes on the entry: "Start Date: November 9, 2007". That was all I could ever think about for weeks.

I said to myself, "Bring it on baby. I'm ready to give it all I've got!"

I was so excited I forgot that I haven't read the bible for the last 3 weeks or so. I always get like this -horribly obsessed in like a totally insane kind of way. I would imagine myself taking refuge in my own cubicle and answering calls from clueless idiots Finally my life would make sense. My life would turn from dull to meaningful, hectic, fast-paced. This could be THE year that could fill the hunger for action that I've been trying so hard to suffice for years. At last, a temporary reason for my existence...

6:30 pm, still in a daze about what might happen and what could be. My mobile rang...surprised at the fact that it did 'cause no one I know can afford to make a call (reason: poverty). Anyway, I looked at my phone's LCD and the name of the company flashed on its screen. Phone still vibrating. I cleared my throat and swallowed my saliva. My mouth was sort of dry. My heart was pumping harder than it pumped before. Blood rushed through my head and finally, I pushed the talk button with my cold thumb...

Me: Hello? (As if I was surprised and oblivious to the identity of the caller.)

John: Hello. Is this Caprice?

Me: Yeah this is she

John: Hi, ummm this is John from ******. I just called to inform you that your start date was moved...further and you won't be signing the contract on November 9. Just...

Me: (I cut him off.) Ok, so I should wait for a couple more weeks then? (I was depressed. Slightly.)

John: We'll just call you if anything comes up.

Me: If anything comes up? If anything comes up?!What the...Well, I appreciate you calling to inform me of the changes. Thank you so much.

John: You're welcome and have a nice day.

"I was hoping I could wish the same for myself but I couldn't...F****...Again, it just wasn't my day. *Sigh."

I'm beginning to lose hope of getting employed, I only have six months left and then I'll go back to college to finish my studies and I really want to get a job before the six months end. The disappointment...Tsk, tsk, tsk....I really need to get a life...

"Living a dull life really isn't easy. It's mind boggling just trying to figure out fun things to get busy with." Looking up at the ceiling still ambiguous on what to do.

"What to do. What to do.", "Tsk! C'mon shit head think!"

Flashback*
(June of 2006)

First day of school.  On my third year in college, making my way to the third floor. inching towards a life-changing situation. A pain staking ordeal.

I took a step higher on the stairway leading to the third floor. I heard noises at the path that I took. They were coming. They were there. It was the first day of the 9-month of agony I'll suffer for the rest of my life - I thought for a moment. I was right.

There he was, the man that would blatantly crush my persona. The unsuspected culprit who wore an unattractive invisible mask, seen as quiet and harmless but the opposite will force its way out of his human frailness in time.

He lured me. Seduced me through his unassuming nature. "He's not THAT bad..."

Before I could contain myself, I was already trapped in his glare, locked away from the world that I loved, strangled in his possessive arms, unable to scream for help for someone else to save me. He was eager. I gave in. I was stripped down to the core. Naked in his eyes. Weak and incapacitated.

"Make love to me Caprice. Give me everything. Your mind, your heart, your soul, your sanity. Love me. Share with me the lust, the passion, the bliss. Give yourself away..."

I fell down on my face, unshielded from treachery, illusion, covetousness, misery...

I drowned myself in mortal satisfaction. Unaware of the consequences of the choices I made. I deceived myself thinking I could reach nirvana gratifying the sexual urges of a man whom I loved. Who I think I loved. I was wrong...and therefore, I was wronged.

He left me feeling ruined, scarred, wounded, and broken....

"It's time to rest now Caprice. Take it as it is. Choices always have consequences. Life can never be Perfect..."

"Rest and wake up a new-fangled being."